Gauging where our kid’s capacity is at on any given day, or within any given moment comes down to attunement between us and our child.
It is unlikely that our kids are going to be able to tell us eloquently with their words. Often, they tell us through their behaviour.
Each of our kids will have individual indicators that tell us how they are doing, how close they are to hitting a point of overwhelm.
Some signs will be more subtle than others. Through careful observation and reflection we can start to cue into those signs.
These are some that often come up at our house…
Heightened sensory sensitivities: Sensations can become intolerable. Our PDAer will say things like, “Carry me to the swings, I don’t want to walk on the wet grass.” “I’m not wearing sunscreen.” “I’m not going outside, it’s too hot” “Stop talking it’s too loud.”
Increase in control: This looks like our PDAer being very particular about who can assist, with what, and in what manner. It becomes more difficulty to share and negotiate with siblings. Equalising can ramp up, there might be an increased need to be first down the stairs, through the door, buckled in the car, to get dry and dressed after getting out the pool etc.
Changes in communication: Sometimes our PDAer withdraws into a character, making animals noises or baby talk, sometimes he might go completely quiet (situationally mute), sometimes we see nervous laughter or an increase in stimming (singing, repeating phrases over and over or noises like humming or squealing.)
Changes in movement: Often movements start to get bigger and more erratic, to outsiders it looks like silliness. Our PDAer becomes less reliable with interacting gently with our pets. If heading towards shutdown we see a change in body language, becoming completely slumped on the couch or lying on the ground curled up in a ball.
Heightened emotions. Becoming quickly teary about things going wrong or having to wait. We see a reduced ability to problem solve or negotiate and a shift towards making threats.
Tuning into the early warning signs gives us time to lower demands, remove stressors, collaborate and redirect before reaching the point of meltdowns or shutdowns.
We won’t get it right every time, we reflect, we learn, and we start being able to mitigate situations from escalating further.
Give yourself and your child as much grace as you can muster while you are figuring it out.
