Carer burnout is a very real thing. As parents of PDAers we often live in a state of hypervigilance. Having to closely monitor every situation and constantly co-regulate with our kids can leave us feeling really depleted.
You might also feel like you are in an impossible situation. You know what you need to do to maintain your well-being but the constraints of the situation make it hard to actually implement the self-care routines that you need.
Maggie Dent often talks about having micro-moments for self-care. Things that can be done at home with minimal time. I truly believe that all those small things can add up to making a big difference.
These are some of the things that help me. They were especially important when my PDAer was in burnout and there were days and weeks of not being able to leave the house.
1.Box Breathing
When we are stressed, our breath rate increases. Deep breathing can help our system return to calm.
Get comfortable, you might like to place your hands over your heart, close your eyes and start by just focusing on your breath, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, with each breath you might notice it getting a little deeper. Then count, 4 beats in, 4 beats to hold, then 4 beats to exhale and 4 beats to hold and repeat.
2. Body Scan
Doing a body scan is something I find helpful right before bed to help me calm my mind and allow me to fall to sleep.
Start off by noticing your breath. Now, switch your focus to how your body feels. Starting at your toes and focus on the feel of your skin against the sheets or the pressure on your mattress, scan up, noticing the angle of your ankles, your knees, your hips. Notice the pressure through your back, your shoulders and arms, I like to finish by positioning my hands on my chest, feeling my heart beating under my fingers.
3. Journalling
It is easy to get stuck in worry loops, catastrophising about the future. When these thoughts sneak up journalling is a helpful outlet. I was never big on writing and was sceptical when my counsellor first suggested journalling, however I have realised just how powerful it can be. I find that if I can write it down, it stops constantly circling around in my head. I don’t have a set schedule for journalling, I just use it as I need.
4. Grounding
Helping my kids through meltdowns is a reality at our house. Afterwards, I look after my own nervous system using a technique called 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding. It uses all of your senses to help you focus on the present.
- 5 things you can see.
- 4 things you can feel.
- 3 things you can hear.
- 2 things you can smell.
- 1 thing you can taste.
Then take a deep breath and carry on with the day.
5. Gratitude
There is a growing body of research to suggest that gratitude can elevate mood, help shift our mindset from the problems to the positives and remind us of the big picture. Sometimes when you are in the midst of really hard times it can be so hard to see that things can change, and they won’t always be this way.
The key is finding a routine that works for you, it could be writing down 3 things you are grateful for in your diary, it could be setting a reminder to write them in your notes or calendar on your phone, it could be writing in a gratitude journal, it could be making a conscious effort at the start of each day to see the world through grateful eyes, it could be sharing what you are grateful for at the dinner table, or telling your partner right before bed at night.
6. Yoga or Guided Meditation
I find following along with a short yoga or meditation video on Youtube is a great way to regain my composure in the middle of the day. I can usually set my kids up with screens to allow this to happen.
Lately, I have been saying out loud when I am becoming overwhelmed and then wondering aloud what I could do to help my brain and body to feel better. It’s happened so often now that my PDAer will say, “I know mummy, you need to do 5 minute yoga!”
7. Being present
There have been plenty of times where I have gotten stuck in my own head worrying about how I should be parenting, what my kids should be doing, or despairing about the future. For me, being present quiets all the noise in my head and brings me back to what’s truly important.
Sometimes it is as simple as looking at the stars, the clouds, the sunset. Noticing flowers up close, feeling grass beneath my feet, the warmth of the sun on my face, breeze on my skin, listening to the birds, and breathing in the fresh air.
When I’m with my kids it might be really taking the time to notice the sound of their voice, their laugh, how they look, their smile, how their hair falls, the softness of their skin, the feel of their little hand in mine, and how peaceful they look at the end of the day when they are sleeping.
It takes trial and error to figure out what works for you.
Which of these might you try this week?
What would you add to this list?
