I don’t know about you, but I find that I often fall back into old patterns of communicating with my kids. This is especially so when I’m tired or overwhelmed, which means my own tolerance levels are close to non-existent.
My daughter gave me a great reminder the other day. We had gone to visit an indoor play center. She was in kid-heaven. She is a sensory seeker and was having the absolute time of her life. It took us 4 attempts to transition out of that play center!
Attempt #1: 15 minutes before it was time to go, I discussed the plan for leaving (which I had come up with, without including my daughter). The center had a deal where a free ice block was included with entry, and I thought that would be a helpful motivator. She would simply have her ice block and we would go on our merry way. My plan was going great until my daughter took 2 licks of her ice block and then said, “Wait I’m not done!” and proceeded to run back to the playground!
Adult imposed plan and bribe… epic fail.
Attempt #2: I remembered that we had a toy in the car that was her favourite new Elsa figurine and decided to go down the ‘incorporating fantasy’ route. I told her that I could hear Elsa calling out to her. It got her attention, “Oh no, I’m coming Elsa!” We were almost out, but then she turned around, coming to her senses, and again said, “Wait I’m not done!”
Manipulation/trickery… epic fail.
Attempt #3: I tried firmly stating the boundary saying, “Our time at the play centre has finished, it’s time for us to go.” I then picked her up and her response was kicking and screaming in protest. I quickly realised this path was futile and, for the third time, she ran back to the slide.
Power/force… epic fail.
I sighed in exasperation and took a deep breath while I considered my next move.
Have you been here?
Looking back, it is not surprising that none of these worked. They were only getting us further from leaving that play center.
Attempt #4: After she came down the slide, I got down to her level, held her and validated saying, “I know it is so much fun here and it is disappointing to have to leave. Our ticket was for you to play until 4pm and it is now 4:15pm. We have already stayed longer than we were supposed to. We need to come up with a plan for going home.”
What did she do…
She ran back to the slide! But by the time she had scaled the stairs and reached the top, she had processed what I had said. She called out, “OK Mummy, we can go after this one, can you catch me!” And true to her word, we walked out calmly on her terms.
Validation, explaining the ‘why’ & collaboration for the win.
This parenting business is hard work.
It’s not possible to get it right every time.
It’s a constant work in progress.
Be kind to yourself, learn from your mistakes, take a deep breath and try again.
