Years ago, I remember reading an article about mum’s living in a time where the societal expectations on us are through the roof…to be the best possible parent, to be an attentive partner, to have a prestigious career, to keep an immaculate house, to strive to be our healthiest self by eating clean and fitting in rigorous exercise.
…And this is before you add raising children with high support needs.
Women need to normalise having an “I don’t” list. We need to know that it’s ok to let expectations go and drop the guilt.
When you are parenting a PDA child your energy is so precious. Often, we work hard to remove the demands on our kids, however we find it challenging to extend the same grace to ourselves.
If the stars align and you get a miraculous 20 minutes, it’s Ok to prioritise that time for filling your own cup.
Here are some of my “I don’ts”:
- I don’t cook every night and I cook super boring food.
- I don’t get around to washing the sheets and towels every week.
- I don’t clean the bathrooms, my husband usually cracks first.
- I don’t get bothered by toys being left out. I have been known to push things aside to clear a path to walk through!
- I don’t compost or expect to keep pot plants alive. I just bought some fake plants for our front entrance.
- I don’t do any dishes during the day. They just pile up in the sink and we deal with them at night.
- I don’t buy clothes that need to be ironed.
- I don’t regularly do my hair or make-up.
What expectations are you holding that you can let slide.
What are your “I don’ts”?
I don’t go grocery shopping in store anymore. I used to go in the evenings sans kids, but our PDAers are awake and needing me much later now. A few months ago I decided to stop feeling guilty for the extra cost of home delivery (even the express timeframe has saved me a few times) and see the benefits instead: of having the time with my PDAer or to myself; the grocery app has a ‘did you forget these items’ prompt which is great for my brain; any items I did actually forget means a 5 min trip in and out rather than a much longer one, then requiring recovery time; ticking it off the mental load list is sooooo helpful. That’s one example anyhow!