How we collaboratively problem solved wearing sunscreen with our PDAer!

Previously, I have talked about Ross Greene’s Proactive and Collaborative Problem Solving Model (CPS) in our post Kids do well when they Can. 

This is an example of how we have used the CPS approach in action with our 4 year old PDAer.

The first step when you are using the CPS model is to identify what the unsolved problem is that you want to work on.  There are some guidelines for wording your problem:

• They should contain no reference to the child’s challenging behaviour.
• They should contain no adult theories.
• They should be split, not clumped
• They should be specific.

So, the unsolved problem that we decided is a high priority for us is…

Unsolved Problem: Difficulty wearing sunscreen when we go to the park. 

Note that we haven’t mentioned anything about behaviours around putting on the sunscreen, we haven’t included any theories that we think are stopping him putting on the sunscreen, we haven’t clumped putting on sunscreen in with tolerating having other creams/lotions/soaps put on his skin, and we have kept it specific to when we go to the park. 

Once you have identified the unsolved problem there are 3 steps that help you collaboratively solve the problem….

Step 1 is the empathy step:

This is where you gather information from the child about what is making it hard for them to meet an expectation. Now it is essential to remember the proactive part of this approach.  Make sure you pick a time when your child is calm.  With our son, we find it is helpful to chat at the start of the day whilst we are doing something enjoyable together, like building Lego. It’s ok to split this over multiple conversations.

Summary of empathy step:

I’ve noticed that you have been having difficulty wearing sunscreen when we go to the park, what’s up?

Our PDAer’s answers:

• I don’t want to
• I don’t like it
• It feels yucky
• Especially on my face

Step 2 is for the adult to voice their concerns:

Summary of adult concern step:

• Sun burn
• Skin cancer
• Worried about being a bad parent- it’s my job to keep you safe

Step 3 is to generate solutions that are realistic and mutually satisfactory:

As with any tasks you attempt with a PDAer, the solution is going to change dependent on your child’s tolerance on the day.  Instead of just having one solution, we have a few options that we can pull from.

• For starters we realised we needed to provide more information, so our son understood why he needed to wear sunscreen:
  • Have a conversation and watch a video about why it’s important to wear sunscreen.
  • Draw a diagram to problem solve how to protect all the different areas of his skin. 
• We then came up with options that eliminate the need for sunscreen (for those familiar with the model this is called proactive Plan C):
  • In summer, aim to go to the park early in the morning or late in the afternoon
  • In winter, long sleeves, long pants and a hat will suffice. Stick to parks with very good shade cover.  
  • Put a time limit on being out in the sun for a short play – sometimes this is the compromise if sunscreen is just too hard.
• For situations where we can’t avoid sunscreen:
  • Refer to the SunSmart app which lets us know what the current UV levels are.  The app recommends sun protection when the UV level is above a 3.
  • Try different types of sunscreens to see which one feels the least yucky- we have found a mineral stick zinc-based sunscreen that has more of a dry feel.  Our son still doesn’t love it, but we have much more success.
  • Put sunscreen on in the boot of the car when we get to the park, rather than before we leave home. Sometimes the demand of getting the sunscreen on at home is too much and will stop us going out at all.

Of course, there are days when we have to admit defeat. Where there is no shady option. Being out in the sun for extended periods, in the middle of day, in summertime, in Australia, without sunscreen, is a non-negotiable. The scar I have on my head from having a BCC removed is motivation to stick strong on this one. Some days we get to the park, and our PDAer just can’t get the sunscreen on, it’s too hard and we have to pack up and go home. These instances feel particularly unfair for his sibling. If there are two adults, we can split up. But if I’m on my own, it’s a big lesson in compassion for our daughter, I hope that she is learning how to be gracious, respectful and accommodating of all neurotypes and their fluctuating capacity to cope day-to-day.

Proactive & Collaborative Problem Solving takes practise. There are some great free resources available on the lives in the balance website. You can check them out here.