When parenting a child with a hidden disability, who requires extensive supports and accommodations, and needs a style of parenting that is radically different to the norm, we are going to encounter judgement about the decisions and choices that we make.
Sometimes judgement comes from people who don’t understand and sometimes they are the thoughts that creep into our own heads, judging ourselves….
If these same judgements were applied to a child with a physical disability or medical condition it would be considered outrageous.
We wouldn’t say to a child in a wheelchair that they just aren’t trying hard enough to walk. That they need to build resilience. We wouldn’t think their parents are being difficult when they ask to meet up in an accessible location.
We wouldn’t tell a child who has had a brain injury that they are treating us like a slave when they need our help. That they have to learn to cope in the real world.
We wouldn’t say to a child with epilepsy that they will be rewarded if they don’t have a seizure and we certainly wouldn’t shame them for their actions while they were having one, actions beyond their control. We wouldn’t say the parent is drugging their child for giving them the preventative medication that they need.
We wouldn’t say to a child with asthma that they can have their puffer once they have finished their work or that they just need to push through their breathing difficulties.
We wouldn’t get frustrated with a child with allergies if they sneezed or came out in hives. We wouldn’t continually force them into the same environments or make them eat the same foods that caused the reaction, over and over again, reasoning that it’s a tough love approach that is needed.
Of course we wouldn’t do or say these things.
And yet, having worked with hundreds of PDA families, of kids whose disability is often hidden, these are the types of comments that come from people who don’t understand.
These are the comments that catch us off guard, that knock our confidence, that make us question ourselves.
PDA kids and their families require the same level of empathy, compassion and support.
If you have encountered these types of comments I want you to know…
You are doing an amazing job supporting and advocating for your child.
Your child will do things when they are ready and able, they don’t have to be continually forced beyond their comfort zone.
The real world is hard enough, make your home the sanctuary where they can come to rest, recharge and be completely themselves.
You are enough.
Keep going.
