When accommodating our PDA kids, there are three main variables that we can consider.
1.The child
2.Their environment
3.The expectations/demands being placed on them.
There has to be the right fit between all of these factors to allow for success.
Child
We have to accept that our kids are PDAers, they are wired that way. They will absolutely mature and learn strategies to better meet their needs, however until they are able to do that themselves, we have to actively assist them to regulate their nervous system by building in sufficient recovery time into their day and week.
Recovery time might include co-regulation with a safe trusted adult, time spent engaging in special interests and opportunities to engage in activities that provide calming sensory input.
We can educate them about their brain and model how to advocate for their individual needs.
Expectations/Demands
We can adjust our expectations to align with our children’s capacity.
Every child will be different. These are some examples of big drops at our house…
- Reducing the demand for our PDAer to sleep by themselves and setting up a safe co-sleeping arrangement.
- Giving our PDAer control over what they eat, when they eat, where they eat.
- Removing the expectation of attending school and switching to learning from home.
Environment
We can consider our child’s unique sensory preferences and ensure that the environment suits their needs.
We can be selective about the environments we place our kids in or how long we spend in certain situations.
The people our kids are interacting with also make up a huge part of their environment.
We can learn strategies like Declarative Language and Collaborative Problem Solving to help foster trust and connection.
We can also be highly selective with who our PDAer spends time with.
Figuring out what works for your child and your family is likely going to be a constant problem solving/recalibrating process, overtime it gets easier to work out the balance.
As your child’s capacity increases, they may be able to tolerate more challenging environments or stretch up to more complex demands.
There will be times where we don’t get all three variables lined up and those are the experiences that help us learn for next time.
