I think there are two aspects to answering this question.
Firstly, how can you set up your day to day to work for you?
And secondly, how can you work towards radical acceptance?
How can you set up your day to day to work for you?
Parenting a PDAer requires a big picture mindset of what is truly important.
What are your priorities in life? Happiness? Well-being? Positive relationships? A calm home life?
Just how important are the mundane everyday tasks? Are there expectations you are holding that aren’t serving you? What are you willing to let slide? Is it time to start picking your battles?
Setting up a low demand home and letting go of the mundane, might mean that you and your child have enough energy in the bank to participate in the things that are fun and fulfilling.
In our house, we have set up our life to minimise the daily battles.
A couple of examples: Our son sleeps in his clothes. He has control over when he bathes, usually it’s a couple of days between washes. We aim for teeth brushing just once a day. He chooses what we eats at meal times.
A year ago, I would have thought that these things would make me a bad parent… what would others think!
But, that way of life wasn’t serving us, we were all exerting a whole ton of energy trying to stick to ridged schedules and high expectations, and it meant that no-one had energy left to do the things we enjoy.
Now days we are continually refining strategies and systems that are sustainable for the whole family so that everyone’s needs are met.
Living a low demand lifestyle means that we have the energy to prioritise play dates with good friends, make beautiful memories with the grandparents, and get out of the house for family adventures that fit in with our PDAers interests. Some of our recent memorable adventures include…Driving to the coast to look a shipwreck and collect shells; taking a bike ride along a public track and picking wild mulberries; and catching the train to the museum to see dinosaur bones.
We also set up our home environment, and think outside the box, so that we can still have enjoyable days even when we can’t get out the door. Recently we’ve been getting a lot of mileage out of setting up a veggie patch, doing science experiments, and creating epic monster truck obstacle courses. I’ve come to find a lot of enjoyment out of joining my son in his interests.
How can you work towards radical acceptance?
Parenting a PDAer also requires you to accept the things that you cannot change and choose to be happy and fulfilled despite them.
Everyone has to work through this process in their own way and time.
For me personally, the assistance of a professional counsellor has been paramount. She has introduced me to the work of Tara Brach (you can find out more about her here: Tara Brach – Meditation, Psychologist, Author, Teacher). It is something that I have to continually work at by including micro-moments of self-care throughout my day including journalling, breathing, yoga, mindfulness and a gratitude practice.
Working towards radical acceptance might include…
Accepting your child’s diagnosis and the limitations that come with that.
Accepting that your life might look different to what you had imagined.
Accepting that much of your life is out of your control but the one thing that you can control is your mindset.
Radical acceptance can….
Free you from getting into cycles of catastrophising and living in fear of the future.
Free you from comparing yourself to others.
Free you from needing to meet culturally imposed expectations on how you think you should be parenting and what you think your child should be doing.
Free you to enjoy the little moments, be fully present, and view your situation through eyes of gratitude.
What are the ways that you find joy in your everyday? Let us know if the comments. It might just be in the inspiration that another parent needs.
