Trust and connection.
This is what life is all about.
They are the most important things to focus on when parenting a PDAer.
Without trust and connection everything else falls apart. They are essential…
- to keeping your child’s nervous system regulated.
- to building your child’s tolerance levels.
- to collaborative problem solving.
- to bringing joy to your lives.
Whenever we are going through a tricky patch I always try to come back to trust and connection.
- Is my child getting enough quality one on one time?
- Have I been consistent in how I’m responding to his needs?
- Is there a need for an apology or repair?
In our house, one of the easiest ways that we find to build connection is through daily routines and rituals. Lots of these were things that we just did once, and our PDAer liked it, so we did it again. Over time they have become these beautiful opportunities for connection.
- Every morning before we start the day, whoever’s turn it was to sleep next to our PDAer has a good morning hug in bed.
- We then lie in the dark, often it’s somewhere between 4-5am, and tell stories about either our PDAer’s life or our own. Some of the random topics we’ve talked about recently have included: all the birthday cakes he’s had, all the dogs Grandma and Grandpa have owned, and all the boats I’ve ever been on. Reliving these experiences creates a really positive sense of self and also lovely cultural and intergenerational links.
- Extending on this, we also have family photos playing as a slideshow on our TV and regularly watch back family videos. They create great talking points and encourage re-visiting the places we have been.
- When my husband leaves for work each morning, the kids have a saying goodbye ritual. It’s nothing groundbreaking, just a hug, kiss and a high 5 and then they wave goodbye from the window. Our PDAer absolutely loves it, his comfort toy even gets included as a family member. This has now turned into the saying goodbye routine for me and the grandparents too.
- Every night, our son has one-on-one play before bed to help him wind down. After we’ve played games the transition into bed is helped by using pretend play. We play a game where he is a lost baby, or a baby bird all snuggled up in a nest. As part of the game, we give him a cuddle and affirm that we will look after him, protect him, have a lovely comfort toy for him, and a cosy bed for him to sleep in.
- We do “heart hugs”. This is not my idea, but I can’t find where I first read it. A heart hug is where your hearts can talk to each other, but for them to hear you have to hold the hug for a whole minute! After a minute I ask what his heart is saying and then tell him what mine is saying.
- We do an abridged version of the “Guess How Much I Love You” book.
- We say special words each night “I love you more than…”. This one comes from Maggie Dent. She has lots of lovely suggestions for building connection.
What daily routines and rituals do you have with your PDAer?
