Our family doesn’t typically holiday well. A couple of nights is often all that is manageable. Usually there is lots of tension, meltdowns, disrupted sleep, bed wetting and exhaustion. Afterwards, I’m often glad that the kids got to have some different experiences but gee it comes with a whole lot of hard work.
Since working out my son is a PDAer, it’s easy to see why holidays pose so many challenges.
- Lot of unknowns
- Lots of transitions- long car trips, flights, waiting, lines
- Busy schedules
- Booked activities
- If it is a beach holiday, it comes with sand, splashing water, sunscreen and togs.
- If we are visiting others, there is the social expectations to interact and see people as much as possible in a limited space of time.
- Plus, we don’t have the sanctuary that is home, to retreat back to and recover each day.
However, all of our tricky holiday experiences have not been in vain. Each time we are recalibrating and figuring out what works for our family.
What we have learned that works for us:
- The supports that we put in place for our PDAer at home also have to happen when we are on holidays too. This seems common sense but sometimes I have to remind myself!
- Attempting tricky things in the mornings and prioritising the most important things for Days 1 and 2 of the trip.
- Factoring in lots of recovery time and screen time. Sometimes we need entire rest days in between busy days.
- Picking early mornings and late afternoons to be out in the sun. Often sunscreen can be a bridge too far if our PDAer’s system is already heightened.
- Going back to familiar places.
- Booking accommodation that has separate bedrooms for the kids, to ensure that they get good rest, and its own kitchen, so that we can have familiar food available.
- My husband and I divide and conquer if needed, this allows for 1:1 connection time and also gives the siblings time apart.
- Our PDAer gets to be involved in all the plans and there is always the option to opt in or out.
- Only going for short trips.
- Picking locations where we can spend lots of time out in nature.
- Having additional familiar adults accompany us can be helpful so that us parents can have some downtime too.
- A space to retreat back to that is separate from who we are visiting or holidaying with is essential.
- Factoring in rest days either side of going away and coming home.
What have you found works for your family?
If you would like to read on, these are a couple of our best family holiday experiences:
Farm Stay
We did a 3- night farm stay on a working dairy farm!
Each morning and afternoon the kids got to feed goats, pigs, bottle feed the calves, collect eggs and pick oranges. The animals provided a low demand rhythm to the day that got us out the door every morning and evening.
Around the property the kids could go for buggy rides, bush walks, play on old tractors, collect firewood and build fires.
Included in our stay was a pony ride for each of the kids. This was a scheduled, one time event. Our PDAer often pretends to be a baby when he is feeling anxious and within his character, he was able to tell us that he was feeling nervous about the pony ride and didn’t want to go. We validated and shared experiences of when we have been nervous too. We even said we were proud because it’s important to be able to say no to things that make you feel uncomfortable. While our daughter was having her turn on the pony my PDAer and I left to collect some oranges, on our way back he told me that he might have a pony ride tomorrow. When I told him it was now or never, he decided to give it a try! The owners were good sports, they had already started packing up but got everything back out. Our son did it with a huge smile on his face! He said it was so much fun! I just about cried but didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of a hardened farmer’s wife and have to explain why it was so special that he got on.
On the last day we got out to feed the animals and play on the playground but my plan of a lovely family walk around the property didn’t eventuate. Pretending to be a baby again, our PDAer told us that he just wanted to stay home today, in the cottage. So that is what we did. No pushing, just a day to relax. My husband and I split up so that our daughter could still get out and have some different experiences. Later in the afternoon our PDAer stumbled across the recycling bin near our carport and asked to count all the bottles. Once upon a time, I would have said no, or worried what others would think, but this time I said yeah ok, let’s get them all out and count them! We had a lovely time of connection through his special interest. This is how holidays often pan out for us, the cumulative impact of increased demands and stress as the holiday goes on takes its toll. By the last day, counting bottles was what he needed.
We left on an absolute high, feeling like we had found our place. A place that we can return to year after year. Our son reckons that the next time we go we should stay even longer!
Family beach holiday
Ever since I was little, my parents have holidayed at the same beach location every Summer. It is our home away from home. Even though we are all grown now, my parents continue to go back and rent a place where there is enough room for us and our families to come up and stay. It’s a truly beautiful ritual.
We have now been there 5 years in a row with our PDAer. Last year we established some pretty good routines but this year was definitely the best so far. Staying with familiar adults who fit in with our routines and can be completely flexible around our PDAers needs is such a gift.
The first two days we got out to the beach twice, early in the morning and late in the afternoon! He had a blast jumping in the waves, examining and collecting shells, walking on the rocks, looking at creatures in rock pools, digging in the sand, and incorporating monster trucks, his latest special interest, into his adventures.
On days three and four we had reached the point where tolerance levels were getting lower and the adults needed to divide and conquer so that our PDAer could have some additional downtime. We still got to the beach both days but our son needed constant co-regulation and needed to collaborate about when we went out, where we went, and what we did.
Our kids are already talking about what they will do when they go to the Beach Unit next year.
Where have your best holidays been to?
